You might not see yourself as a perfectionist—especially if you often feel far from “perfect”. But here’s the catch: this very mindset is a sign of perfectionism. In fact, this way of thinking can often lead to students facing unrelenting pressure and can even trigger procrastination, fear of failure, and constant self-criticism. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone, as an estimated 25-30% of adolescents face this pressure, according to the Journal of Psychoeducational Assessment. So, if you’re ready to loosen perfectionism’s grip, keep reading.
But first, what is perfectionism?
According to Dr. Curran, author of The Perfection Trap, the type of perfectionism that most often affects students is called self-oriented perfectionism. As defined by Curran, self-oriented perfectionism is the habit of setting unrealistic expectations for yourself and being harsh on yourself if you fail to meet these standards. However, perfectionism isn’t just about high standards–it’s about determining your worth on the basis of whether you succeed or fail. This win-lose mindset can negatively affect how you approach school, relationships, and even your own identity. Luckily, by first acknowledging this form of perfectionism, you can take the first step towards breaking free from it.
Now that you know what perfectionism looks like, let’s talk about how to break free from it
Eliminate the Fail or Flourish Mindset
Think of perfectionism like a video game in which performing a task leads to two outcomes: either you rise above expectations and perform flawlessly, or you fail. Do you recognize the issue? This mindset doesn't allow room for growth. To overcome it, you need to undergo a mindset shift that expands your own definition of success. You will have to recognize that not everything will come to you on the first try and that sometimes growth takes sustained and consistent effort.
Try to remind yourself that success doesn’t mean acing every exam. It’s also about gradually building up your skills in a subject until you truly understand it. When you shift your focus from being “perfect” the first time to learning from your setbacks, you begin to loosen perfectionism’s grip.
The “Just Do it” Mindset
It may sound cliché–like something straight out of a Nike ad– but adopting the phrase “just do it” as a mantra can be a powerful way to fight against perfectionistic tendencies. Many students may procrastinate or even face paralysis when it’s time to do assignments, not because the work is impossible, but because of the pressure to get it “right” on the first try. Shifting your focus from perfection to progress can help break this ruthless cycle.
Take homework, for example. Instead of stressing about each problem, set a 20-minute timer and work through as much as possible. You can make corrections afterwards. Or, if you’ve been staring aimlessly at a blank page for an essay, write messily and freely. It’s called a first draft for a reason. This approach rewires your brain to stop focusing on reaching an unattainable standard and instead focus on making space for growth.
Practice “fail time”
If the mere sight of the phrase “fail time” is currently putting doubt in your perfectionistic mind, that’s the point. A beneficial way to take your mind off this need to perform flawlessly is to set aside time for non-achievement-based hobbies. These hobbies could be as simple as trying something new that you may not be good at right away, like learning an instrument, practicing a new sport, or baking a complicated recipe. “Fail time” could even be taking something you traditionally associate with academic success and instead doing it just for fun, such as reading a book or having a conversation in the language you are learning for school. By doing this, you can slowly see value in the process of learning itself–not just the outcome.
Build a supportive community
Surround yourself with friends who also prioritize school in a healthy manner. When the people around you embrace growth over perfection, it becomes easier to adopt that mindset yourself. For example, you can be each other's accountability partners–not only to remind each other to practice healthy study habits, but also to encourage time for breaks, hobbies, and rest. Being accountability partners can also involve openly sharing hardships, creating a safe space where academic stress can be expressed without judgement. By building this positive community, you can help replace perfectionism with balance.
Practice radical self-compassion
One of the most effective ways to calm a perfectionist mindset is to practice radical self-compassion. This practice entails making a conscious effort to avoid negative self-talk by replacing it with kindness and understanding. Start by noticing your inner dialogue: if you catch yourself thinking “I should have done better,” pause and reframe this thought. Instead, speak to yourself as you would to a close friend and in a forgiving manner.
Gratitude can also play a significant role in breaking this cycle. After reaching a small milestone, such as completing a study session or finishing a chapter of a book, acknowledge your effort with a reward. Rewards could take the form of taking a short break or going on a walk. Over time, repeating this reward cycle will help you internalize the idea that your value and “perfection” are not connected.
Overall, perfectionism can feel debilitating without knowing the proper tools to mitigate it, but with these tips, you can be on the right track to overcome it!
- https://summer.harvard.edu/blog/perfectionism-might-be-hurting-you-heres-how-to-change-your-relationship-to-achievement/
- https://nextbigideaclub.com/magazine/perfection-trap-power-good-enough-world-always-wants-bookbite/44748/?srsltid=AfmBOoosvS14YpXo_q6j1Zfx-Is3obAVj8d9byDTSwHKrSHDLv14U7rT
- https://byustudies.byu.edu/article/understanding-perfectionism
